This question applies to dating/sleeping around.
Being single now for more than a year now, I've had the constant yearning to be with someone, both physically and emotionally. Both my heads are in agreement, but something holds me back. Is it standards my mind has set? Are they certain characteristics my partner, however temporary, must meet? My biggest problem is that the real reason I'm not doing it is because I'm just scared to go out there and get my heart broken again. Even if it's a one night stand, rejection is still rejection at some level.
These insecurities are my biggest downfall, ones I've been slowly overcoming since I began "maturing". How is it that I'm able to go into a crowd of strangers and start mingling, but when it comes to trying to show my interest in someone I find attractive, it all falls down? I either come of as just being friendly, or just not attractive. Well, so far my standards have left me high, dry and blue balled!
I digress, the point I'm trying to make is, if I'm so lonely and horny, why am I not looking for a quick fix? I'm fairly sure there are some women out there who are interested in me, and even find me fairly attractive. Wouldn't it be fairly easy to oblige them temporarily and feed my cardinal appetite? I guess when it comes down to it, I care too much about other people's feelings. It's just like the thought of suicide, ultimately you never do it because you know you're a selfish prick leaving everyone you've ever touched in a heaping mess of mourning. Okay, well that's extreme, but I imagine it doesn't feel very good to sleep with someone you think you have a future with only to be tossed aside like a used tissue paper. As Rob, my roommate says, your too nice.
Well, after all that crap, I think I've had a revelation. It's not standards, it's just I'm so fucking scared. I'm scared to be hurt again, but mostly hurting someone else for my own selfish gain/satisfaction. Alright, I'm also somewhat scared I'll sleep with someone and they'll just end up teasing me, degrading me, laugh at me and/or just be insanely unsatisfied. Hey, what do you expect, I've only been with one person!
Well folks, that was me. If I was a book, I'd be wide open and waiting for y'all to read me, hoping you enjoyed at least some bit of me.
Night all.
P.S. Why can't an attractive women (by my standards) come up to me and just offer me a "no strings attached" night of wild educational sex and/or confess their attraction to me? Cause anything worth while requires work and effort ya dummy...
Anthony/Tony
