Well, I guess I should explain the acronym. The first half is obvious, what the fuck, and the last half may not be as common, am I doing.
That being said, lets expand on why I'm asking this... I just had that creeping feeling, you know that one where you feel like your drifting in a big space of existence and not sure what your doing with your life. Ah, yes, that great wonderful feeling of dread that drops on us out of nowhere, like a huge Albertan shit storm. The great questions pop in my head, what am I doing with my life? Am I treating the people in my life fairly, and on top of that do they know I really do love them? Who in this world pretend to like me, but actually have a serious problem with me? How many of my choices were bad ones! BLAH! Why am I worrying about so many things I can't really control? People, y'all can't deny it that you do have these feelings, and according to my roommate I get this quite a bit more frequently than others.
Don't get me wrong, my life is full of thrilltastic (thrilling + fantastic), wonderrific (wonderful + terrific) people and situations. I'm currently dating this amazing girl, I have many friends who I feel I can trust with my life and care about me, a job that's keeping my head above water, etc, etc. It's almost guaranteed this feeling will blow over very soon.
This feeling comes up to all of us, and honestly as long as you don't dwell on it too much and it doesn't come up too regularly, it's a very good thing to have. The reason being is this gets people to evaluate their lives and figure out things that are important to you. It's a mental note from your brain to say, "Hey buddy, lets go through things together!" Really, don't be too scared when it comes up.
P.S. Fuck you insecurity, you don't help me when shit like this pops up!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Keeping up with the Robinsons...
Why is it that people are obsessed with comparing their lives with other people?
OMG! Look at that dude/chick! Their so popular, everyone loves them AND they have lots of money to buy cool things! Hrm, why can't I haz da nice tings? Boo hoo, they so luki! I wantz to be a famuz!
Why can't you just set your own goals and standards? Why do you have to out due your peers, friends and family? From what little I've lived my life, the idea that you should live your life by how you think you should live it and not base success off of "beating" other people. If your neighbour has a nicer car, a greener yard, a hotter wife, who gives a dam! Maybe his car guzzles gas and costs lots when you need to replace shit. Maybe their yard is greener because they feed it the souls of young Asian slaves. And that sexy wife? She's probably not giving anything but cold stares, empty laughs and the vague hints of adultery.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Why yes it is. But the intensity of green is exactly that, just a perspective, hell maybe an optical illusion. Is it actually BETTER? Usually not.
The following is a public service announcement by your Animosity Ant!
Remember, life is full of shit, you have bad things happen to you that you don't deserve, people usually don't notice your good deeds, and then you die. What? your waiting for me to put something more up lifting at the end? Alright fine... Life, in all it's pain and horror, is great! If you weren't alive, you wouldn't get to experience anything. Seriously, ANYTHING! Everything you feel in this world is a... hrm, not a blessing that has to many religious connotations. Ah yes! Privilege, we don't and never will deserve anything in this life, everything that is experienced is it's own unique situation. Once in awhile, close your eyes, take a deep breath in, and absorb all the different smells around you. Sit there quietly, and see what your ears can pick up in the background. Take those extra few seconds to really chew and savor that bite. Finally, open your eyes and see how truly vivid the world is and how much everything and everyone is enriching your life.
OMG! Look at that dude/chick! Their so popular, everyone loves them AND they have lots of money to buy cool things! Hrm, why can't I haz da nice tings? Boo hoo, they so luki! I wantz to be a famuz!
Why can't you just set your own goals and standards? Why do you have to out due your peers, friends and family? From what little I've lived my life, the idea that you should live your life by how you think you should live it and not base success off of "beating" other people. If your neighbour has a nicer car, a greener yard, a hotter wife, who gives a dam! Maybe his car guzzles gas and costs lots when you need to replace shit. Maybe their yard is greener because they feed it the souls of young Asian slaves. And that sexy wife? She's probably not giving anything but cold stares, empty laughs and the vague hints of adultery.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Why yes it is. But the intensity of green is exactly that, just a perspective, hell maybe an optical illusion. Is it actually BETTER? Usually not.
The following is a public service announcement by your Animosity Ant!
Remember, life is full of shit, you have bad things happen to you that you don't deserve, people usually don't notice your good deeds, and then you die. What? your waiting for me to put something more up lifting at the end? Alright fine... Life, in all it's pain and horror, is great! If you weren't alive, you wouldn't get to experience anything. Seriously, ANYTHING! Everything you feel in this world is a... hrm, not a blessing that has to many religious connotations. Ah yes! Privilege, we don't and never will deserve anything in this life, everything that is experienced is it's own unique situation. Once in awhile, close your eyes, take a deep breath in, and absorb all the different smells around you. Sit there quietly, and see what your ears can pick up in the background. Take those extra few seconds to really chew and savor that bite. Finally, open your eyes and see how truly vivid the world is and how much everything and everyone is enriching your life.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Why am I all caught up on standards?
This question applies to dating/sleeping around.
Being single now for more than a year now, I've had the constant yearning to be with someone, both physically and emotionally. Both my heads are in agreement, but something holds me back. Is it standards my mind has set? Are they certain characteristics my partner, however temporary, must meet? My biggest problem is that the real reason I'm not doing it is because I'm just scared to go out there and get my heart broken again. Even if it's a one night stand, rejection is still rejection at some level.
These insecurities are my biggest downfall, ones I've been slowly overcoming since I began "maturing". How is it that I'm able to go into a crowd of strangers and start mingling, but when it comes to trying to show my interest in someone I find attractive, it all falls down? I either come of as just being friendly, or just not attractive. Well, so far my standards have left me high, dry and blue balled!
I digress, the point I'm trying to make is, if I'm so lonely and horny, why am I not looking for a quick fix? I'm fairly sure there are some women out there who are interested in me, and even find me fairly attractive. Wouldn't it be fairly easy to oblige them temporarily and feed my cardinal appetite? I guess when it comes down to it, I care too much about other people's feelings. It's just like the thought of suicide, ultimately you never do it because you know you're a selfish prick leaving everyone you've ever touched in a heaping mess of mourning. Okay, well that's extreme, but I imagine it doesn't feel very good to sleep with someone you think you have a future with only to be tossed aside like a used tissue paper. As Rob, my roommate says, your too nice.
Well, after all that crap, I think I've had a revelation. It's not standards, it's just I'm so fucking scared. I'm scared to be hurt again, but mostly hurting someone else for my own selfish gain/satisfaction. Alright, I'm also somewhat scared I'll sleep with someone and they'll just end up teasing me, degrading me, laugh at me and/or just be insanely unsatisfied. Hey, what do you expect, I've only been with one person!
Well folks, that was me. If I was a book, I'd be wide open and waiting for y'all to read me, hoping you enjoyed at least some bit of me.
Night all.
P.S. Why can't an attractive women (by my standards) come up to me and just offer me a "no strings attached" night of wild educational sex and/or confess their attraction to me? Cause anything worth while requires work and effort ya dummy...
Anthony/Tony
Being single now for more than a year now, I've had the constant yearning to be with someone, both physically and emotionally. Both my heads are in agreement, but something holds me back. Is it standards my mind has set? Are they certain characteristics my partner, however temporary, must meet? My biggest problem is that the real reason I'm not doing it is because I'm just scared to go out there and get my heart broken again. Even if it's a one night stand, rejection is still rejection at some level.
These insecurities are my biggest downfall, ones I've been slowly overcoming since I began "maturing". How is it that I'm able to go into a crowd of strangers and start mingling, but when it comes to trying to show my interest in someone I find attractive, it all falls down? I either come of as just being friendly, or just not attractive. Well, so far my standards have left me high, dry and blue balled!
I digress, the point I'm trying to make is, if I'm so lonely and horny, why am I not looking for a quick fix? I'm fairly sure there are some women out there who are interested in me, and even find me fairly attractive. Wouldn't it be fairly easy to oblige them temporarily and feed my cardinal appetite? I guess when it comes down to it, I care too much about other people's feelings. It's just like the thought of suicide, ultimately you never do it because you know you're a selfish prick leaving everyone you've ever touched in a heaping mess of mourning. Okay, well that's extreme, but I imagine it doesn't feel very good to sleep with someone you think you have a future with only to be tossed aside like a used tissue paper. As Rob, my roommate says, your too nice.
Well, after all that crap, I think I've had a revelation. It's not standards, it's just I'm so fucking scared. I'm scared to be hurt again, but mostly hurting someone else for my own selfish gain/satisfaction. Alright, I'm also somewhat scared I'll sleep with someone and they'll just end up teasing me, degrading me, laugh at me and/or just be insanely unsatisfied. Hey, what do you expect, I've only been with one person!
Well folks, that was me. If I was a book, I'd be wide open and waiting for y'all to read me, hoping you enjoyed at least some bit of me.
Night all.
P.S. Why can't an attractive women (by my standards) come up to me and just offer me a "no strings attached" night of wild educational sex and/or confess their attraction to me? Cause anything worth while requires work and effort ya dummy...
Anthony/Tony
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